Friday, 9 September 2016

intentional

i just spent the weekend along the bay of fundy, where i went to attend my poppy's funeral. it was a good death, one that i hope i can do similarly when i reach his point in life, and was a true celebration of him. i was glad to go, and to spend time with family, and to return to the part of nova scotia that really does home my heart. there are many things i could say about the whole experience, like how the last time i was there my heart was breaking for so many reasons, and how i managed to catch one of his last good periods of time before he started a slowish road to where he ended, and how i am so grateful to have had samson capture so much of that visit and now i need to figure out how to incorporate some of that material into a project i need to have finished in four weeks without it feeling weird and wrong. but instead, i will focus on this. i will focus on intentionality.


the concept of home is one that travels with me and in me and around me constantly. i've analyzed and studied and practiced it in various ways over the past several years. i am certainly a creature who needs roots, and a place to return to, and a safe space at all moments. i've been learning how to create that safe space in myself instead of relying on others, and when it is ok to rely on others, and how to identify those others, and also how to create that space in physical spaces. as i delve further into my witchcraft practices (which are quite casual, and not at all religious, and barely spiritual, but definitely important for my health and wellbeing), i have been thinking more and more about altars. i have many not-quite-altars in my house, where i place items because it feels like that spot is their home, and i acknowledge them in different ways at different points. but i have no central altar. that is something i am slowly starting to build, with a consciousness of what items and tools will grace it, and what area i want it to take home in, and what pieces i am still missing for it.

last week, a dear old friend came through and left me with a beautiful piece of amethyst that she and her girlfriend mined themselves. amethysts are my main safety stone. they have been all my life. so the appearance of this particular piece, timed so perfectly with my thought bubbles rolling around in my head about altars, felt significant. and then i went to the ocean, and found so many pieces of flotsam, and family heirloom textiles that i will dye. and then i came home to find a healthy harvest of lichen from nunavut from my darling grace, and these things from have company, that just solidify everything.

i rarely move things once they find a home, particularly large things. i hate moving furniture, or clearing out too many things at once, or just the concept of minimalism in general (which is incredibly classist, so much of the time - check out anna maltz's really great article about this in the spring 2015 edition of pompom). but right now feels like a time i am meant to be settling more into my home, and making it into a proper safe space, and so i am thinking about rearranging my room, and shuffling around some furniture in the studio and back room, and moving my bed so it's not just tucked in the corner. right now feels heavy, in a good way. and i would love to have more time to nestle into it a little more fully on a daily basis, but i have some very large projects to get out of the way this month. so i will chip away at it all, slowly and intentionally and bit by bit, until i have time to really sit back and look at it. and maybe by then, it will be almost all done anyway. it feels good.

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