Friday, 24 January 2014

my brain is exploding a little bit

i'm afraid i have no pretty pics for you guys today. i have a couple of things that could feature in a photoshoot, but i was out for most of the good sunlight (having lunch with a friend and finding anniversary gifts, so i'm fine with that). i'm finding that my brain is having a very difficult time lately settling on any one thing for a decent amount of time. and by "decent," i mean enough time to actually accomplish something with said thing, including photography. 

i am so close to the end of the commission. and it's also now where i'm the most lost on it. i had an idea of what i wanted it to look like, but then started knitting it yesterday evening and all those ideas proved to be not so pretty. the i-cord edging was messy, and the edging that i did do is too tight, which means i'm very likely going to be ripping out about 3 hours of work. as soon as i finish the swatch for the top part of the back panel. which i think also isn't going to work. which means pulling out the stitch dictionary (aka the interwebs) and knitting more swatches until i find something that works. blarg. the thing is that, like with theatre/performance, you can't just introduce a brand new vocabulary at the end of your piece just because it's cool on its own. like, if you've done a straight traditional play, and then suddenly throw in some aerial hoop action within the last 15 minutes of the play, it doesn't make sense. it may be the best part of the show, but it just doesn't work within the context. same with knitting. just because a stitch looks gorgeous doesn't mean it works in the context of the full sweater. so that's where i'm at with that.

and because i'm near the end and yet very much not near the end of the commission, i want to make a bunch of other things. like this, and this, and this. which will mean more wips, which will further clutter my brain. i really do want to finish off a bunch of wips before starting something new, i'm just stuck on doing a number of them due to materials/needing a longer needle cable/it's really not a priority so i should just leave it for a while. i'm also trying to rejig all my business stuff, including creating a workable studio-esque space in my parents' house that doesn't get in their way but that works for me for the next few months, writing up a business plan, and really focusing on getting the business off the ground. but i have no regular income at the moment, so i'm also job hunting for something that is short term and won't impact on my need to travel, but that pays well and is fulfilling. which my knitting business does, minus the "pays well" bit. which doesn't work for saving up money for this fall. so my brain is being pulled between focusing on something i actually give a shit about and finding the perfect dream job (not dream career). if you feel like hiring me, by the way, i can do basically anything in the arts/education fields. just sayin'. and my brain is much more compliant when i'm not organizing my own life.

also, my producer and i are currently scrambling to put together all of our paperwork to register as a not-for-profit, find a bunch of grants, and put together this summer tour of shows and workshops. thank goodness i have her. she's more organized than i am, especially at the minute, which means she's able to define exactly what we need to do and i just have to do it. 

so, i feel like i'm doing a hundred things and also nothing at once. i need more structure in my life. working on that. and on emptying my mental to-do list onto some sort of surface that doesn't clutter my gray matter. 

BUT! i'm going to see the mrs. in april. so that's super de duper exciting. hopefully by then i've got my shit more under control and can just relax for a few weeks with her. fingers crossed.

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